so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
