dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
