My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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