Can i not drive my cunt home
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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