i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
