I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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