In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
