Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
