I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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