thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
