Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
