There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
