Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize