so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
