I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
