Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How does it feel to date your dad?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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