I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
