My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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