they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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