Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
