these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
