I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
