Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
