absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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