if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
