Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
