Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
