glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
