they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
