his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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