I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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