she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
