wakey wakey hands off snakey
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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