I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
