Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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