Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
