Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
