my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
