Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
