You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
