I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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