If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
