It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
