Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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