Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
