I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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