totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
