Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
How's work?
Spinning.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
