1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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