That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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