Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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