Your face is a jimmy john
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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