you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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