The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Well I just put wine in my tea
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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