I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
